Umbrellers

I find it to be quite a challenge to walk down a busy city street with an umbrella. An open umbrella, mind you, held over my head. I feel that this is a fairly locational thing, in that it varies from location to location. That is, if people aren’t too hurried and the street isn’t too crowded, I can manage an umbrella and maintain my rickety dignity. (Rickety Dignity, by the way, is the name of my new band; it’s an experimental marimba ensemble. Look us up on myspace!!1! ROFL LOL JK HHAHA KEKEKE :P). [That was a myspace rhetorical appeal].

Umbrellers. I seem to often walk faster than many of the pedestrians out there, and somehow there are always people speeding by me. This means that I have to watch where I’m going and to watch out for people who aren’t watching where I’m going. You know? You have to maintain your personal space and not pop other people’s bubbles; personal bubble maintenance, whether yours or there’s, I suppose, is the same thing. I pride myself on my ability to navigate through a crowd without so much as brushing a sleeve against a single black-plague-ridden stranger, but have found myself facing new challenges when holding the complicated umbrella machine.

For one thing, the umbrella creates a canopy which is significantly wider than your necessary personal bubble. When passing by people who are shorter than you, this is not much of an issue, as they will simply glide under your awning with little fanfare, like the humble gnome people they are. But, I, myself, am not terribly tall. With an umbrella, I am a significant risk to those who approximately share my height, and to those who are taller. I have to intently mind the height and angle of my umbrella so as to not slice people with its razor-like claws, and to not bonk people with its menacing polyester. Then, when umbrellas are out in full force, in full canopying force, I have to try and not to get involved in umbrella duels. But bonking someone else’s umbrella with your own is a much lesser offense than bonking their bare head, so that’s kind of an afterthought in the whole umbrella maneuvering issue.

So anyway, this was much more interesting in my head.